It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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