my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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