I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
