Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
