2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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