Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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