Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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