So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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