So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
