You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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