You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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