So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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