my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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