She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
