I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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