She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
