dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
