Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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