The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
