I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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