Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
pray to the hookup gods
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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