i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
