'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
