hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
