How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
