I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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