Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
