no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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