If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
