My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
