In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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