ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
