Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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