I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
