you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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