Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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