He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
