i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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