turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
