I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
