Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
