I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
