Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
