It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
