I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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