You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
