she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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