I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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