ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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