I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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