I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
