So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
