I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
