I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
