Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
